(Realistic USG-style failures → corrected versions, with why the fix works)
Purpose:
Show—not tell—how Plain English improves accuracy, safety, and usability without dumbing anything down. Each example mirrors real Embassy / State products and the kinds of problems that cause confusion, clearance churn, or reputational risk.
Example 1 — Policy Summary (Web / Memo)
❌ Before (common failure)
“The United States and Bangladesh maintain a robust bilateral relationship encompassing a wide range of shared priorities, including economic growth, democratic governance, regional stability, and people-to-people ties.”
✅ After (plain, safe, usable)
“The United States works with Bangladesh on trade, security cooperation, and people-to-people exchanges. These efforts focus on economic transparency, regional stability, and educational opportunity.”
Why this works
- Removes empty adjectives (“robust,” “wide range”).
- Replaces abstractions with concrete domains.
- Preserves neutrality—no implied upgrade in relationship status.
Example 2 — Press Q&A Answer (Elections / Governance)
❌ Before
“We strongly support democratic values and continue to engage with all relevant stakeholders in Bangladesh to promote inclusive political processes.”
✅ After
“The United States supports democratic processes, including peaceful participation and respect for fundamental freedoms. We do not support any political party or candidate.”
Why this works
- Deletes performative adverbs (“strongly”).
- Replaces “stakeholders” with process-based language.
- Adds an explicit non-claim that prevents misinterpretation.
Example 3 — Embassy Website Paragraph (Security Cooperation)
❌ Before
“Through enhanced engagement and strategic collaboration, the United States continues to deepen defense ties with Bangladesh to advance shared security objectives.”
✅ After
“The United States works with Bangladesh on security cooperation through joint exercises, training, and capacity building. These activities focus on maritime security, disaster response, and peacekeeping readiness.”
Why this works
- Converts vague nouns (“engagement,” “collaboration”) into observable activities.
- Avoids “deepen defense ties,” which can imply treaty alignment.
- Anchors claims to verifiable actions.
Example 4 — Social Media Post (Economic / Trade)
❌ Before
“The U.S. remains committed to strengthening economic partnerships that drive inclusive growth and unlock shared prosperity.”
✅ After
“The U.S. and Bangladesh trade billions of dollars in goods each year, including apparel and agricultural products. Transparent trade rules help businesses and workers on both sides.”
Why this works
- Replaces slogans with facts.
- Makes the post useful to readers who want to understand what actually happens.
- Safer for reposting across platforms without reinterpretation.
Example 5 — Video Script (Humanitarian / Rohingya)
❌ Before
“The United States stands in solidarity with vulnerable communities and remains deeply committed to addressing the humanitarian crisis through sustained international engagement.”
✅ After
“The United States provides humanitarian assistance to Rohingya refugees in Bangladesh and supports efforts to improve safety, health care, and access to basic services.”
Why this works
- Removes moral signaling (“stands in solidarity,” “deeply committed”).
- States what the U.S. does, not how it feels.
- Reduces the risk of being asked to justify “commitment” levels later.
Example 6 — Internal Coordination Email (Common Failure)
❌ Before
“Please advise on whether we can move forward with this messaging pending any additional guidance or considerations.”
✅ After
“Please confirm by Thursday whether this language is cleared for publication, or note any required changes.”
Why this works
- Clarifies decision ownership.
- Sets a time boundary.
- Eliminates ambiguity that causes endless email loops.
Example 7 — Adjectives & Adverbs (The Quiet Risk)
❌ Before
“The meeting was highly productive and resulted in meaningful progress.”
✅ After
“The meeting produced agreement on three next steps, including a follow-on workshop in March.”
Why this works
- Removes unfalsifiable praise.
- Replaces it with evidence.
- Safer for records, audits, and future reference.
Example 8 — “Recent / Ongoing” Time Drift
❌ Before
“In recent years, the United States has expanded cooperation with Bangladesh.”
✅ After
“Since 2022, the United States has expanded cooperation with Bangladesh through joint exercises and training programs.”
Why this works
- “Recent” is a liability; dates are defensible.
- Anchors the claim in time without overpromising continuity.
Pattern Summary (What These Fixes Have in Common)
Plain English improvements consistently:
- Replace judgment with description
- Replace intent with action
- Replace emotion with function
- Replace vagueness with bounded clarity
This is why Plain English is not just clearer—it is safer.
What This Enables Next
With these examples, you can now:
- audit existing Embassy content,
- train staff without “writing workshops,”
- standardize revisions during clearance,
- and spot risk language instantly.
Member discussion: